1 14 April 16 I hope the wire I sent yesterday may have
arrived in time to prevent my letters from being
too confident in raising false hopes. I don't
think any one but a pr knows how much
the b w feels the blow. The other members of
the Staff think I don't care, unless my rather crusty
temper betrays me. Yesterday at mess they were
talking about the vagaries of promotion etc, when
it seemed to strike them suddenly that mine was the
most astounding case. I smiled & said I had done
things in the past with my eyes open & was quite
prepared to suffer the consequences, & all of them
thought here is a curious animal without ambition. Place when he heard a little about my past
military career began to look most uncomfortable to
find himself senior to one who was holding 6 years 2 ago a position which he would have given anything
for 2 years ago. I was at a big demonstration
at one of the schools yesterday & saw General
after General who had been my contemporaries.
Some of them eyed me with a superior glance
of "you're done for", others spoke to me as an
equal, & 2 of them came & had a long back,
one of them saying "for me to be a General &
you a Captain "is the most topsy turvy world I
have ever seen." This was meant very kindly
& I know quite honestly, & what is more (in
writing to you only) it is the real facts of the case. Sometimes I admit I am a little amazed
at the world eg when I hear that M Calmont
is looked upon as so good a CO that he is to be
given an early Brigadier ship. Now old thing I don't want you to get the idea
that I am living in the land of grievances — I am not
& I am quite prepared to make any personal sacrifice for
this country or for the Ulster cause, but it is as will
that you & I should realise that our position after the
war will be one which it will be of no use trying
to explain to the outside world. To attempt to do so
even would be to strain the credulity of one's
best friend acquaintances & even of one's friends &
relations. It is only those in the know — Carson
Craig & one's nearest relations who will understand
to a partial extent — Even Mab & Edward won't be more than puzzled To others the situation will
be unbelievable, even one's old Military friends will find
it hard to follow, & as I do not intend to go
through the remainder of life trying to explain
one will have to drop them. This will entail
either going into comparative seclusion, or taking up a life
which is entirely non-military. I am not trying
to raise up ghosts, but as you will admit no one will be 3
able to follow an attempt at a laboured explanation on
my part that I with 20 years regular service as a Captain
or possibly a Major?, whilst X with 2 years service is a
Major or Lt Colonel. With other rebels made Lt Cols
— like Crawford — — or General like M'Cjalmont younger than myself the matter is quite unintelligible. Why I write in this strain is that I want you
to realise how much I value the thought of indepen —
dence in the future, & consequently that our present
prosperity is not to be treated as a test of our
future standing when I lose £650 in army pay
& rubber deflates to normal conditions. I don't
want you to screw & skimp, nor to think you
cannot help relations or others, but I do wish you
to see clearly that this year is not a true test
of the future, & that in anything you do this year you
will make this clear. I was wondering if it might not be possible to
help Carson — We could probably spare £500 this year 4
later, but the difficulties would be great
even if one did it anonymously, tho' it would
feel like doing something for the Country. I think
it is advisable that they should both feel the pinch
fa bit as sacrifice of that kind will be good
for the man, & she will delight in it. I enclose a letter from Craig. Don't make
any comments on it outside. There is evidently
something up which we do not know of as
he is anything but a pessimist. Either the
Naval situation is not satisfactory or we they
are getting a true account of Germany's
latent strength at last. He evidently has given 5
up all idea of turning out the Government but hopes
that a powerful opposition may give them stimulus. The worst/of it is that the opposition will
consist largely of disgruntled people & cranks some
of the most level heads still being led by BL
or hypnotized by Grey's apparent statemanship. We are 3 days behindhand in papers. This & the
recall from leave of all ranks may mean something
serious. Hickman has put in for leave on very
Urgent private affairs & is getting it (!). I
fancy he expects to be home for an exciting
time. It is wonderful how these Military
Great big wigs still play up to the political
side they affect to despise. He and the GOC have had a good set to in
which the latter has come out top. I should not
be surprised if H fails to return, & he may do
something on his own whilst at home. I am glad to see that the Duchess & Lady
C are both keeping up the CC work so well. I
honestly expected they would have got bored with it
before this. Later the latter may have to drop it.
I expect they are both stimulated by the p r's
example . She is doing good work. I'm so much pleased to hear about the eyes,
but do get the glasses at once or you shall get
a bad scolding. I don't like your heads. They
are too frequent. I am interested in your
experiment of a chummery. I don't know Mrs
H so will not attempt to prophesy. It will largely
depend on the firmness with which you maintain 6
your independence of each other from the start, & how
outspoken you are with one another. I was to have ridden with the General this
morning but he thought the ground too wet
so you have got the rather doubtful benefit
of this lengthy letter. I don't think the p r will misunderstand
the b w's long tirade. It is not a plaint against
fate or Providence. It is merely an endeavour to get
the p r to see clearly what he foresees in the future,
which he knows that she will be willng to
share with him — grey tho' it may be — perhaps
with some pink tinges for the b w , but only
too imbued with faded brown for a p r. Your b w Wilfrid B Spender